“Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners–of whom I am the worst.” – 1 Timothy 1:15, NIV
I have a confession… actually a couple.
- Even though I’ve heard 1 Tim 1:15 several times in lessons I never really understood it until now
- I haven’t had a quiet time since I hurt my back during winter break and used that as an excuse for inaction
Let me expand
I’ve been floundering ever since I hurt my back. I stopped having quiet times, working out, and reading. I stopped doing anything positive in a personal growth sense. I felt weak, pathetic, worthless, and lacked the decision to change.
Naturally, I revert back to my sinful ways.
I’ve gotten back into old habits of giving into sinful temptation, eating junk food, watching a lot of TV, and playing video games that don’t add value.
Four months of waste. How many more months will it take to knock me out of it?
I am the worst sinner
The worst sinner that I know.
I am a sinful and arrogant human being.
I avoid watching the news, because its full of negativity, sensationalism, and really doesn’t add value to my life.
The recent Sewol Tragedy in Korea has been on the news non-stop. Everyone around me is watching it. I gave into the temptation yesterday and started devouring all the content I could. I have this obsession of wanting to be an expert and anything I am curious about.
After about 30 minutes of reading. I was left with sorrow, pity, grief, and anger… mostly anger. I hate stupidity and arrogance. Especially if that stupidity causes pain and even worst death.
I’m not a violent man.
I imagined if I was one of those parents who lost their child. If I happen to meet the captain who left his boat before getting all of his passengers safely off- my rage would takeover and I would beat him until their was no breath. Not very Christlike.
If someone causes pain to my wife or daughters – I would react in a non-positive way. Not very Christlike.
I stopped spending time with people who actively try to be godly. Not very Christlike.
I dislike my enemies. Not very Christlike.
I can’t “turn the other cheek” if a someone is rude or prideful. Not very Christlike.
Christ calls me to a higher standard:
But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, -Matthew 5:44
Frankly, I am ashamed to call myself a Christian or a disciple of Jesus.
Jesus’ standards are incredibly hard and challenging, but possible.
Empathy, sympathy, forgiveness, and compassion makes humans… human.
Who knows? If I was the captain of the ship would I have made the same decisions?
The Positives
17 “Now, fellow Israelites, I know that you acted in ignorance, as did your leaders…. 19 Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord, – Acts 3:17,19
Now let’s say I’ve been ignorant and forgot what I had learned. I’m grateful that I can repent and change.
- Salvaging Four Months: I’ve learned a little bit more about myself
- I need to stay physically healthy: if my body is in pain my more cognitive functions don’t work
- God’s patience: I’m very grateful that every time I make a mistake or sin that God doesn’t smite me right there and then, but rather gives me time to come to my senses and change
- Be aware of my environment and put myself back into the situations that cultivate what I want
- I read my Bible again and I was convicted
I want to start writing again and I’ve received permission from the wife to spend time with God daily again after work. I’m very lucky to have a wife that will support me.
Thank you being my inspiration and reading.
Love, peace, and grace to you.
