If you read the comments below – you can see this post hit a nerve with some people.
I used to think marriage hinged on picking the right woman. Choose well and you’ll have it made. Then I grew up some and decided it was a 50-50 deal. If my wife and I were “equally yoked,” if we both worked at it and did our parts, we could have a great marriage.
Now I believe it’s almost entirely up to the man. And I can prove it.
The Bible proves it.
Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. – 1 Peter 3:7
This doesn’t mean women are not better than men in certain things. However, it is the responsibility of the man in a godly marriage to protect, respect, and love the wife.
Get your Bible out. Put your left hand on it, raise your right hand and repeat the following pledge. It is in front of God, so be serious.
Repeat after me . . .
“My wife is more important than the house being messy. I will shut up and start helping out.”
This is something I need to repent in. It doesn’t help that I’ve a recovering clean freak.
“I will no longer criticize my wife about how she uses her time. It’s her life to live.”
This is something that I also have a challenge with. I want my wife to be a team to bring glory to God, but ultimately its true I shouldn’t criticize.
“I am grateful for a wife who cares about our kids. I will thank her, encourage her, and never allow myself to think I’m unimportant to her.”
My wife has pointed out to me several times last year that I belittle her in front of our daughter. I’ve been working on this, we’ll see if my wife says I’ve changed.
“I recognize my wife was her mom’s daughter before she was my wife. She has a right and a responsibility to be a good adult daughter and to ‘honor’ her mother.”
I appreciate the fact that my wife has a close, godly, and growing relationship with her mother.
“I will never again complain about the food in our house. Instead, I will offer to stop by the store and bring whatever she needs without complaint.”
I don’t really have an issue with this one. I eat generally anything – as long as its edible I’m good. I do whatever I can to serve my wife here.
“I will never criticize my wife for her desire to be ‘just with me’ versus going out with friends. I will thank her and pour myself into loving her when we’re together.”
I appreciate the fact my wife wants to be with me. Even though we do not have similar hobbies.
“I recognize that my wife gets tired. I will drop all my demands and make ‘space’ for her to rest and I will not take it personally.”
I’ve been working on this as well.
“I acknowledge it’s difficult to identify, screen, and coordinate schedules with babysitters. I will not criticize her nor take her efforts for granted.”
We haven’t had an issue with this.
“I will look for the good in my wife’s appearance. If I can’t say something nice, I will keep my mouth shut.”
Learned this pretty early on from TV and the Bible.
“I will never again comment on my wife’s weight. That is off-limits to me forever. I will love and accept her regardless. It is none of my business.”
Don’t really do this, but it is a cultural thing. Koreans don’t really seem to have an issue talking about their weight openly.
“I will never say anything negative about my wife, even in a joking way, in front of any other person, male or female, friend or foe.”
I hope don’t do this. It’s messed up to talk negatively anyway- even worse to disrespect your wife or family like this.
“I will never again bring up my wife’s performance in earlier parts of her life. For example, I will never talk about how ‘she used to like to dance’ or anything of that nature.”
I don’t agree with this one. I like it that my wife used to sing and play the piano. I want her to be happy. Its harder for her now to do some of these things because she is pregnant with our second child.
“I will stop talking about sex. I will make no other comments, jokes, side comments, or criticisms about the frequency, quality, or any other dimension of our sex life. I will love her and we will enjoy sex only when she is clearly in favor of it. I will put her first, be grateful for what comes my way, and be content.”
I don’t agree with this completely. I think there needs to be a safe discussion about expectations and needs. Negative language of any kind is unacceptable in this discussion is not acceptable. Definitely love your wife and the needs seems to work out. That’s what has worked for me.
“I recognize that my family of origin is just that—my family. I will drop my expectations for my wife to engage with my family. I hope she does, but I will not require it of her.”
Again, I don’t completely agree with this one. I think there needs to be an open and safe discussion about origin families. What are the needs, hopes, expectations, and ultimately the agreement. Naturally, adjust accordingly.
“I will go through a complete review of our finances. I will make sure she fully understands our income, our budgeted expenses, and our saving & giving commitments. And I will never again criticize her regarding money.”
This is something I have fallen short in. However, I don’t think my wife is really interested in this stuff.
Live this pledge consistently and you will have a happy wife and a better marriage.
Only death is guaranteed in this life. But I understand what Regi is going for.